First phase: Denial
So what I have two kids now, I refuse to give up on life! MUST attend the wedding!
Second Phase: Pre-Wedding madness
8: 00 PM: Dressed up the younger one, Dressed up the older one… now got to get ready myself *excited*!
8:30 PM: I step in the dressing room, younger one wails. Pooped? Umm ok .. no biggie…
8:45 PM: Done n dusted *so proud* I am rocking this one today! Step inside the dressing room….older one ‘mama im hungry’,
‘but I just fed u!’
‘hungry again mama’ *angel face*…deep breaths…its ok..ok..
‘umm banana? Apple?’
‘No mama I want to eat ROTI (which I have NEVER had in my life, willingly!) how else will I grow up to be strong and healthy….
‘yea right, u lil thing …*rolling eyes inside my head*…ok lets do this
*the whole feeding routine*
9:15 PM: I finally get the dress on….little one cries.... Want milk!
*may be I should not go?…nah I am too cool for these small hiccups… *hears Barney sing ‘I can do it..theres nothing to it’ inside my head!*grrrr…whats with this sing alone tune thought…
9:20 PM: I quickly glance in the mirror, then the watch… *I should stick to the natural look today AGAIN* put jewelry in the purse, lipstick in the purse…lets go….
Third Phase: Getting in the CAR
Today I’d be driving in KARACHI at NIGHT! *Don’t do this…says a tiny voice inside my head*….no no, I am going to be ok….
So I put all bags in the car, put heels in the car, rubber chappals on! Put baby seat in the car, put baby in….strap older baby … “Mama … washroom”
9:30 PM: Take the little one out, take the older one out, lock the car, washroom, back …repeat the above …finally on the driving seat!
Fourth Phase: Getting to the wedding
9:40 PM: Lets go! Check time…ee its so late …. *stomach in knots*
Its not that far, just take straight down from Clifton bridge and right for sheraton ….
9:50 PM: Going down the Clifton bridge *phew almost there* wait what!!! WTH is that!!! Barriers!! OMG! Something happening, what will I do, 2 kids in car, where will I go, ok ok…. What what…too many bikes, damn, that ones definitely following me….what should I do??!!! *I think I am about to have a heart attack*…my kids…omg! What will happen to my kids?? NO! I can do it, theres nothing to it! *why cant I EVER think of this line in a normal human way?? ALWAYS the GOD DAMNED BARNEYYYYYY*
Recite Ayatalkursi, put car in third gear, turn left behind PIDC….go straight….BLOCKED! TOO many bikes, ALL looking at me and I am sure following me! *WHO the hell drives in this area at this hour!!!! don’t you know better?!?!*
Recite SURa-e-Naas…… turn back…. Main road …towards bridge, turn left, turn right…traffic….that is when the little baby realized she hasn’t seen her mom in a while….faint audible crying….getting louder …n louder….wailing…traffic….trying to talk baby out of it… to no avail.
Finally made the signal, turn left….i guess I am there….
Baby crying hysterically, to the point that she starts choking…omg…omg!
Stop the car midway, get off the car, bring baby seat in front – won’t stop…take the baby out
*what a sight this must be! Wearing a full heavy duty shadi outfit with pink rubber chappals, no idea about the hair, have a wailing baby in arms, rocking her and singing all what could possibly calm her down, on the road opposite gymkahan* at 10:15 PM!!!! In the terrorist infested KARACHI*
WHAT the hell was I THINKING ….*u can do it…there’s nothing to it…sang the hideous purple dinosaur*damn u BARNEY…SHUT UPPPPP!!
*should stop someone and ask them to drive my car…ummm NO!*
Sit in the car with the baby in left arm and begin to drive
“Mama I also want to sit in your lap..”
WHAT!!! *I dunt think I can respond to that …in a kid acceptable way…for sure!!*
“wwwwaaaaaa” “I want to come tooo…”
At this point I actually got numb!
10:30 PM: I finally reached the destination, saw a valet coming towards me….I swear I could have hugged the man right there…another ADULT!!! Looking to help ME!!
I literally jumped out of the car, the only words I remember uttering were “HELP ME!! PLzzzzz….”
I am sure he thought I was absolutely crazy….
I dragged myself and the baby bag, and the baby carrier, the baby, the older baby, my over exaggerated dress and my pink rubber chappals towards the hall door….oops…chappals!!
STOOOOP I yelled at the valet, asked him to hand over my heels and handed my chappals to him….
*if this was an Indian movie…the valet would been Ranbeer Kapoor n THIS would be the point he’d think I am so cute with all my craziness and bend down and make me wear my silver shiney heels…ahh Cinderella moment…*
Back on planet earth however, the short scrawny guy gave me a very dirty look, tossed the heels at me and with heels in one hand, duppatta in another along with everything else…. I somehow managed to enter the hall door at 10:40 pm!!
*avoid eye contact at all cost* Look for an empty table…collapse!!
Quaaiiinnn, quaaaiiin….mamaaaa…..I want to be in your lap….aaaahhhh
I think this was the point I couldn’t stop the tears from rolling down my eyes…….and the night had just only begun....